Namine’s judgement felt incredibly impared at the moment, but she hoped she hadn’t scared Demyx off to much. If she thought logically she knew that this kind of thing was quite inevitable, she would get better with it in time, but she was grateful that Demyx had been here to support her during this attack. Hopefully there weren’t going to be any more following this, but luck was definitely not on her side with that subject. The bright blonde almost laughed softly, all of this didn’t feel real to her, she never imagined that anyone would ever be there to support her after she was diagnosed, the diagnosess was almost like a curse itself, she just chased her own insecurities in circles until it made her dizzy, even though she knew where it would take her. But it felt like there was more to discover about herself when he was around.
If she thought about it, even before her subconscious had decided to thrust a series of emotions and feelings at her, she had acted a bit different around Demyx than anyone else, except at first. Thinking about it, she needed to tell him all this, but she wasn’t sure if her body would allow her enough energy to get the explaination out. “I’ll be alright,” she exhaled deeply, sitting up straight and opening her eyes to look into his “I was diagnosed with PPD, Paranoid Personality Disorder, a long time ago. When I was little, I got kidnapped one afternoon when I walked outside to the mailbox when my parents weren’t home. They put me a closet for months, surrounded by nothing by darkness and then shipped, in a way, to this place where there were so many different girls. Only girls, I later found out that they were all there to be trained and taught, to become prostitutes and sold to these people, or they would be killed. I managed to escape one night, and I ran for hours, not knowing where I was going, until I stumbled upon a road and I was found by a police officer. It took a few days for me to calm down, I had actually temporarily forgotten how to talk. I couldn’t feel anything but fear. But when I finally told them everything, they found the kidnappers and put them in jail, and I went home.”
Namine’s eyes were soft, almost so light they looked clouded over, she was talking in full sentences normally, but she didn’t feel as if she was talking, the years of fear and blame played like a movie in her head, she wasn’t even aware that she was even in a room anymore. “But there was no home, there were no parents. Before the police found the kidnappers, they murdered my parents, and burned down my house. I was maybe.. 9 then. I didn’t understand that what I saw, the dark black burnt pieces of wood held a house before, I thought that it was a complete joke. But then I went into shock. I was sent to the hospital for weeks, I was a doll, I didn’t talk, I didn’t move. I didn’t do anything, I just wanted to go home or wake up and tell myself it was a bad dream. But then the real bad dreams came, if I tried to sleep, I only dreampt of being kidnapped again, I was totally delusional, the doctors had to sedate me so heavily I couldn’t dream. But I always fought, I was scared of anyone that approached me, I thought they wanted to kill me, that I was next because I was the reason that my parents died.” Her voice cracked at the end of the sentence, and Namine only then felt the tears that had been sliding down her pale cheeks, her arm came up and wiped them off, but they kept coming.
“I was then sent to a psychiatric ward for a few months, and then let out. My parents had a will, and I was sent to my aunt and uncles house. Luckily, they were willing to take me in, and I lived a pretty prestigious lifestyle, but I did it in the safe santuary of my room. But then they sent me here, hoping that I would get better, that I could get over my problems with the help of this facility. But I haven’t progressed at all, I was supposed to stop having these attacks months ago, I don’t think I’m ever going to get better. I don’t know how I’m supposed to get over the fact that my parents died because of me. I was the reason why they didn’t live until they were old and wrinkly.” Her voice had completely gone by this point, and the tears just wouldn’t stop.
“I’m sorry..” She was completely aware of her surroundings now, but she hadn’t told that story in years, she didn’t want to cry, and look weak. But how could someone face the reality that they were alone?
Demyx was very close to arguing with her, going to say that she was in no way all right and that she should go get rest, but she had already begun her tale. His heart sank with every passing word, and his face fell into deep frown. He could feel tears stinging his eyes too; but he wouldn’t let them fall. Part of him wanted to scream for her to stop, no more, he couldn’t bear to hear any more of this. But he knew that she had to get it all out, and that she was trusting him with all of this. He looked her over quickly, his arms still securely around her. How could such a beautiful girl be put through such torment? He closed his eyes a moment to get his own emotions under control. He had wanted to know why she was the way she was, but he did not expect a story like this, no. This was one of those stories you hear about on the news, but never expect to really see in real life. But here was Namine, spilling her heart out to him in detail of her experience.
Hearing what happened with her parents, and just the clouded over look on the girl’s face made his heart shatter, like a glass ball being dropped from the ceiling. She had to survive a kidnapping, only to find out her parents were gone too? Those people… They took so much from her. For a moment, Demyx tried to think of what Namine might have been like, had none of this happened. She would have grown up like any other girl, with a family, friends, school work to fall back on. None of her condition was of her own doing. It was all them. She was a broken doll, trying to piece her life back together. Looking at her, he’d guess that she was in her late teens which meant she’d been dealing with this for ten years. If that was the case, he would have to admit that she was strong, very strong indeed. If he had been her, he would have stayed in that broken state that she described, sitting still, unmoving. The thought made him shudder and he held her tighter, more tenderly. He wanted to tell her that it was not her fault. That it was theirs, those kidnappers, but he wouldn’t yet. He knew she was still going to go through with the rest of her story. He rose up his hand along with hers and brushed his fingers delicately across her cheeks to wipe them away, massaging gentle circles into her skin, trying to relax her some.
He knew he had just told himself that he wouldn’t say anything about it, and he was almost sure other people had told her that it wasn’t her fault, but he had to try something. He couldn’t handle seeing her like this. His chest hurt from all the heart strings that were being pulled. For the time being, his attention was solely on the girl in his arms. He did not want to get distracted, and for once it seemed like his mind was going to agree with him. “Namine,” He whispered, looking down into her crystal blue eyes that were stained with tears. “It was not your fault… Those people, they are twisted, they killed your parents. You had no control over the situation. I know that’s probably of no aid to you but…” His voice cracked a bit, as he tried to hold in his own tears, his mind swimming with the things that could have happened to her. This was so much more than what he was expecting to learn on his first day here, it was so overwhelming.
“It’s not your fault.” He repeated, trying to keep his voice steady. “You were just a kid… Those people, they’re the type to use fear to get what they want.. By taking your parents away they tried to make you think you had nowhere else to go.” That’s what those detective shows always said, wasn’t it? He had no idea, he was just trying to help his friend at this point. He paused for a moment, trying to change the subject slightly so it would be a bit lighter in content, but he doubted that would happen. “You’re strong Namine. If I were you I think I would have just stayed a broken doll. My story is nothing like that, not at all. But to hear that you went through so much… And you’re still here, still trying, fighting those past demons…” One of his hands slid from her cheek to her hair line, gently running a hand through it. “I don’t think I’ve met someone as strong as you, Namine. No matter how shattered you might still be.”
“Don’t say sorry,” he added. “First step to recovery is forgiving yourself, right?” Another thing he got from TV. “I…. If there’s any way I can help… I doubt there is, but still. If I can do anything to help you, I’m right here. I doubt I’ll be going anywhere any time soon. I promise I won’t leave you. I won’t leave you…” How could he, after hearing a story like that? He wanted to be reliable, and this was how he was going to go about doing it. He would help her, no matter what it took, he decided.
Supposed to be a rp group promo but… I’ll just post this here.
# I did too
# Though I was really bad at remembering to come on here ^^;
# I have too many accounts...
Funnily enough, Namine’s mental mind was becoming so exhausted that the once strong emotions seemed to give up. But every time the terror faded a noch it was replaced with fatigue, Demyx’s soft supple touch only helped calm down her emotional trauma. But, the petite blonde hadn’t expected to also feel a pair of soft lips touching her own, but her eyes were already closed at the time of impact. The feeling itself could be the definition of serene for Namine. It was easy enough for her emotions to totally slip away as her small arms came to wrap around his back, to resume their closeness.
She wondered at the back of her mind- how it was possible for one person to breach something that haunted you throughout your whole life so easily? Something that seemed inpenetrable with any force, was so easily broken through with something that seemed so simple. When really, Namine knew that he was just special, was that crazy? She had basically just declared her feelings to Demyx not too long ago like a complete idiot, but was this feeling even supposed to be there?
The blue-eyed blonde knew that the more she thought about things like that in her mind, the more exhausted she would become. Inevitably she could most likely just fall asleep in Demyx’s arms right now, but she wasn’t going to. Slowly Namine’s lips parted from his, her eyes opening as she finally saw him clearly in the last ‘what felt like’ decade, although her smile was soft, she managed one in his direction.
“I’m sorry..” was almost all that she could think of at that moment, “I’ll explain everything. I’m just a little bit tired.” Almost as if she called the word from the sky, the exhaustion landed on Namine’s concious like a brick, she fought for her own conciousness until she fell forward slightly into Demyx’s chest. Her palms were on his chest and her head on his shoulder, it was true- she was ‘trying’ to fight, but she figured that closing her eyes for a few more seconds wouldn’t hurt.
That was definitely the wrong thought, Namine nearly fell asleep on Demyx. Her eyes opened and closed slowly, sort of like that scaly reptile with the saggy chin. The blonde pushed her hands softly so she could sit up straight, once again glancing at the other in front of her with a half smiile.
Demyx still had no idea what was really going on, his brain frantically trying to work through all the possibilities. He knew that the two of them were there for a reason, both having mental troubles it seemed. While his didn’t seem as bad as hers, he knew that he could go into his own fits of mental breaks. But seeing one for himself of such intensity in such a short period of time had thrown him, scared him to no end. He wanted to be able to help her, but it seemed the only thing he could do was hold her close to him, and try and protect her like he had promised. ‘But how,’ he thought ‘can I protect her from herself?’
Feeling her arms go around him made him relax a little, glad to see that she was actually responding in some way. He let his lips linger upon hers, hoping that she could feel the emotion he was trying to pour into it until she broke away from him. He had tried, now he just hoped that he had succeeded at least to some degree. He had taken a chance, breaching her space like that, but it seemed to calm her before, and he had just prayed that it would have the same affect. Despite knowing her for only a few hours, he felt like he owed her that much, for showing him around and playing the piano with him, and of course for reciprocating the feelings he had been so thrown about.
Seeing the soft smile on her lips made him mirror the action, grateful to see that she was back to normal, or at least seemingly so. At her apology he merely shook his head, dismissing such a thing. She had nothing to be sorry for. He had already figured out that this was related to her reasons for being here, but if she wanted to explain, he wouldn’t stop her. At least that way he would know exactly what it was he was dealing with, and maybe then he could look things up, figure out how he could help her.
But then again, just because he wanted to didn’t mean his mind would let him. But he would try his best, because he had no reason not to. He wanted to be able to be reliable for once, for the girl who seemed to be trying so hard, it was the least he could do.
As she fell against him, he held her a little tighter. “Do you want to go to bed then? I don’t want to keep you up if you’re so tired.” He couldn’t blame her for being tired either. Had he gone through the same thing she just did, he’d probably be face down against his bed at the moment. “I could walk to you to your room or something, I mean, it is just next door.” He let out an airy laugh, hoping to ease any tension that was lingering from her attack.
He was encouraged and reassured by the other’s smile; it wasn’t too bright or sarcastic by any means, it was actually a nice smile, one that Zexion could trust. The blonde seemed genuine and the other teen decided to try a bit harder. It was clear that his uneasiness was showing, something that didn’t usually help the conversations the slate-haired one managed to have.
Demyx was the most easygoing person Zexion had met so far. Of course this was just the first impression he got and he couldn’t be sure if the blonde was actually like that. But he was clearly different from the cheery brunette he had talked - Sora was his name and certainly different from Marluxia and Joshua. Which was more than good, Zexion didn’t know how he could’ve handled more people like those two.
As he listened to the other’s explanation, Zexion tried to form an idea of ‘Extreme Procrastination’, but Demyx’s words were a bit… vague. Slowly he nodded. “I see. It must be quite hard for you sometimes”, he didn’t pity or feel sympathetic towards the other; it was simply an observation. He himself was quite hard working, bordering workaholic sometimes, and he couldn’t imagine being simply unable to do his work for no apparent reason.
“You are not wrong”, Zexion said and nodded again. “To someone suffering from SPD, it is hard to socialize and they do not want or enjoy close relationships, even with family members”, he explained, his voice growing more quiet and distant. He didn’t like to talk about his disorder and he never, under any circumstances, referred to himself when talking about it. “Mind you, it isn’t the same as schizophrenia”, he added, because he hated it when people though he was delusional and suffered from hallucinations or symptoms like that. He was simply not interested in social relationships, emotions or any kind of intimacy with other people. Though he was getting better at it as time went by. He was aware of the fact that SPD was a lifelong thing, but he still believed he was ‘getting out of his shell’ a bit, whatever that meant.
Demyx didn’t mind the uneasiness coming from the other, he couldn’t really blame him for it. Demyx himself was a little nervous for the encounter. He wasn’t good with people - or well, he could be as long as he had nothing there to distract him. But his eyes were almost begging to wander at the moment, break away from the conversation. But he couldn’t let himself do that. He needed to work on keeping his attention, no matter how much his brain strained him to do otherwise.
He himself hadn’t met too many people yet, and he was grateful for that as well. It was a double edged sword of sorts. If he didn’t know someone, he probably would approach them unless they looked interesting, and if he was with soemone else at the time his one track mind could forget about them (no matter how hard he tried to stay focused). The same could pretty much be said if he did know someone. He could run over to them, completely nejecting whoever he might be with. That might be the root of his problem with friends or socializing. But that was part of the reason why he was here: To get himself fixed somehow.
“Eh, I wouldn’t say hard.” Demyx shrugged a bit. “It’s more confusing more than anything, having my mind go on random tangents and turning and twisting around until I have no idea what’s happening anymore.” He had no idea what he was saying at this point, trying to remember exactly what it was the “doctor” had told him when he was diagnosed. The whole thing was such a pain. He wished for a moment, that he could be normal. He wanted to go home, not be in some strange place with a bunch of other people that probably had it worse than he did.
“If it was the same as schizophrenia, it would be called schizophrenia, but it’s not so of course it isn’t.” Demyx muttered when he heard the boy compare the two. He knew full well that each diagnosis was different and contained different symtoms. Zexion didn’t seem to be like a schizophenic to him, then again, he hadn’t really met someone with that condition before. Though, the way Zexion spoke made Demyx almost perfectly aware that a friendship with him was highly unlikely, but he figured it couldn’t hurt to at least try. If anything they could chat on occasion. Maybe after they’d been here for a while and Demyx’s focus was better and Zexion was feeling a bit more…. Social, they could form some sort of friendship. “I guess you have it hard yourself, huh?” He couldn’t help being slightly curious though; was Zexion here because he wanted to be, because he wanted to be better? Or was he forced to come here like Demyx himself had been. However, he wouldn’t let himself ask this. that was something that was none of his concern and he’d feel like he was intruding if he asked such a thing.
