Demyx Star

Mon, 02 Apr 2012 12:52:02 -0400

nothingbut-white: Namine’s judgement felt incredibly impared at...

Fri, 30 Mar 2012 09:45:55 -0400

Namine’s judgement felt incredibly impared at the moment, but she hoped she hadn’t scared Demyx off to much. If she thought logically she knew that this kind of thing was quite inevitable, she would get better with it in time, but she was grateful that Demyx had been here to support her during this attack. Hopefully there weren’t going to be any more following this, but luck was definitely not on her side with that subject. The bright blonde almost laughed softly, all of this didn’t feel real to her, she never imagined that anyone would ever be there to support her after she was diagnosed, the diagnosess was almost like a curse itself, she just chased her own insecurities in circles until it made her dizzy, even though she knew where it would take her. But it felt like there was more to discover about herself when he was around.

If she thought about it, even before her subconscious had decided to thrust a series of emotions and feelings at her, she had acted a bit different around Demyx than anyone else, except at first. Thinking about it, she needed to tell him all this, but she wasn’t sure if her body would allow her enough energy to get the explaination out. “I’ll be alright,” she exhaled deeply, sitting up straight and opening her eyes to look into his “I was diagnosed with PPD, Paranoid Personality Disorder, a long time ago. When I was little, I got kidnapped one afternoon when I walked outside to the mailbox when my parents weren’t home. They put me a closet for months, surrounded by nothing by darkness and then shipped, in a way, to this place where there were so many different girls. Only girls, I later found out that they were all there to be trained and taught, to become prostitutes and sold to these people, or they would be killed. I managed to escape one night, and I ran for hours, not knowing where I was going, until I stumbled upon a road and I was found by a police officer. It took a few days for me to calm down, I had actually temporarily forgotten how to talk. I couldn’t feel anything but fear. But when I finally told them everything, they found the kidnappers and put them in jail, and I went home.”

Namine’s eyes were soft, almost so light they looked clouded over, she was talking in full sentences normally, but she didn’t feel as if she was talking, the years of fear and blame played like a movie in her head, she wasn’t even aware that she was even in a room anymore. “But there was no home, there were no parents. Before the police found the kidnappers, they murdered my parents, and burned down my house. I was maybe.. 9 then. I didn’t understand that what I saw, the dark black burnt pieces of wood held a house before, I thought that it was a complete joke. But then I went into shock. I was sent to the hospital for weeks, I was a doll, I didn’t talk, I didn’t move. I didn’t do anything, I just wanted to go home or wake up and tell myself it was a bad dream. But then the real bad dreams came, if I tried to sleep, I only dreampt of being kidnapped again, I was totally delusional, the doctors had to sedate me so heavily I couldn’t dream. But I always fought, I was scared of anyone that approached me, I thought they wanted to kill me, that I was next because I was the reason that my parents died.” Her voice cracked at the end of the sentence, and Namine only then felt the tears that had been sliding down her pale cheeks, her arm came up and wiped them off, but they kept coming.

“I was then sent to a psychiatric ward for a few months, and then let out. My parents had a will, and I was sent to my aunt and uncles house. Luckily, they were willing to take me in, and I lived a pretty prestigious lifestyle, but I did it in the safe santuary of my room. But then they sent me here, hoping that I would get better, that I could get over my problems with the help of this facility. But I haven’t progressed at all, I was supposed to stop having these attacks months ago, I don’t think I’m ever going to get better. I don’t know how I’m supposed to get over the fact that my parents died because of me. I was the reason why they didn’t live until they were old and wrinkly.” Her voice had completely gone by this point, and the tears just wouldn’t stop.

“I’m sorry..” She was completely aware of her surroundings now, but she hadn’t told that story in years, she didn’t want to cry, and look weak. But how could someone face the reality that they were alone?

Demyx was very close to arguing with her, going to say that she was in no way all right and that she should go get rest, but she had already begun her tale. His heart sank with every passing word, and his face fell into deep frown. He could feel tears stinging his eyes too; but he wouldn’t let them fall. Part of him wanted to scream for her to stop, no more, he couldn’t bear to hear any more of this. But he knew that she had to get it all out, and that she was trusting him with all of this. He looked her over quickly, his arms still securely around her. How could such a beautiful girl be put through such torment? He closed his eyes a moment to get his own emotions under control. He had wanted to know why she was the way she was, but he did not expect a story like this, no. This was one of those stories you hear about on the news, but never expect to really see in real life. But here was Namine, spilling her heart out to him in detail of her experience.

Hearing what happened with her parents, and just the clouded over look on the girl’s face made his heart shatter, like a glass ball being dropped from the ceiling. She had to survive a kidnapping, only to find out her parents were gone too? Those people… They took so much from her. For a moment, Demyx tried to think of what Namine might have been like, had none of this happened. She would have grown up like any other girl, with a family, friends, school work to fall back on. None of her condition was of her own doing. It was all them. She was a broken doll, trying to piece her life back together. Looking at her, he’d guess that she was in her late teens which meant she’d been dealing with this for ten years. If that was the case, he would have to admit that she was strong, very strong indeed. If he had been her, he would have stayed in that broken state that she described, sitting still, unmoving. The thought made him shudder and he held her tighter, more tenderly. He wanted to tell her that it was not her fault. That it was theirs, those kidnappers, but he wouldn’t yet. He knew she was still going to go through with the rest of her story. He rose up his hand along with hers and brushed his fingers delicately across her cheeks to wipe them away, massaging gentle circles into her skin, trying to relax her some.

He knew he had just told himself that he wouldn’t say anything about it, and he was almost sure other people had told her that it wasn’t her fault, but he had to try something. He couldn’t handle seeing her like this. His chest hurt from all the heart strings that were being pulled. For the time being, his attention was solely on the girl in his arms. He did not want to get distracted, and for once it seemed like his mind was going to agree with him. “Namine,” He whispered, looking down into her crystal blue eyes that were stained with tears. “It was not your fault… Those people, they are twisted, they killed your parents. You had no control over the situation. I know that’s probably of no aid to you but…” His voice cracked a bit, as he tried to hold in his own tears, his mind swimming with the things that could have happened to her. This was so much more than what he was expecting to learn on his first day here, it was so overwhelming.

“It’s not your fault.” He repeated, trying to keep his voice steady. “You were just a kid… Those people, they’re the type to use fear to get what they want.. By taking your parents away they tried to make you think you had nowhere else to go.” That’s what those detective shows always said, wasn’t it? He had no idea, he was just trying to help his friend at this point. He paused for a moment, trying to change the subject slightly so it would be a bit lighter in content, but he doubted that would happen. “You’re strong Namine. If I were you I think I would have just stayed a broken doll. My story is nothing like that, not at all. But to hear that you went through so much… And you’re still here, still trying, fighting those past demons…” One of his hands slid from her cheek to her hair line, gently running a hand through it. “I don’t think I’ve met someone as strong as you, Namine. No matter how shattered you might still be.”

“Don’t say sorry,” he added. “First step to recovery is forgiving yourself, right?” Another thing he got from TV. “I…. If there’s any way I can help… I doubt there is, but still. If I can do anything to help you, I’m right here. I doubt I’ll be going anywhere any time soon. I promise I won’t leave you. I won’t leave you…” How could he, after hearing a story like that? He wanted to be reliable, and this was how he was going to go about doing it. He would help her, no matter what it took, he decided.

memoriesofkairi: Supposed to be a rp group promo but… I’ll just...

Tue, 27 Mar 2012 18:28:34 -0400

memoriesofkairi:

Supposed to be a rp group promo but… I’ll just post this here.

Tue, 27 Mar 2012 18:27:48 -0400

Tue, 27 Mar 2012 10:00:14 -0400

Sun, 25 Mar 2012 17:13:37 -0400

Sat, 24 Mar 2012 11:44:35 -0400

Fri, 23 Mar 2012 16:09:53 -0400

nothingbut-white: Funnily enough, Namine’s mental mind was...

Tue, 06 Mar 2012 11:15:16 -0500

nothingbut-white:

Funnily enough, Namine’s mental mind was becoming so exhausted that the once strong emotions seemed to give up. But every time the terror faded a noch it was replaced with fatigue, Demyx’s soft supple touch only helped calm down her emotional trauma. But, the petite blonde hadn’t expected to also feel a pair of soft lips touching her own, but her eyes were already closed at the time of impact. The feeling itself could be the definition of serene for Namine. It was easy enough for her emotions to totally slip away as her small arms came to wrap around his back, to resume their closeness.

She wondered at the back of her mind- how it was possible for one person to breach something that haunted you throughout your whole life so easily? Something that seemed inpenetrable with any force, was so easily broken through with something that seemed so simple. When really, Namine knew that he was just special, was that crazy? She had basically just declared her feelings to Demyx not too long ago like a complete idiot, but was this feeling even supposed to be there?

The blue-eyed blonde knew that the more she thought about things like that in her mind, the more exhausted she would become. Inevitably she could most likely just fall asleep in Demyx’s arms right now, but she wasn’t going to. Slowly Namine’s lips parted from his, her eyes opening as she finally saw him clearly in the last ‘what felt like’ decade, although her smile was soft, she managed one in his direction.

“I’m sorry..” was almost all that she could think of at that moment, “I’ll explain everything. I’m just a little bit tired.” Almost as if she called the word from the sky, the exhaustion landed on Namine’s concious like a brick, she fought for her own conciousness until she fell forward slightly into Demyx’s chest. Her palms were on his chest and her head on his shoulder, it was true- she was ‘trying’ to fight, but she figured that closing her eyes for a few more seconds wouldn’t hurt.

That was definitely the wrong thought, Namine nearly fell asleep on Demyx. Her eyes opened and closed slowly, sort of like that scaly reptile with the saggy chin. The blonde pushed her hands softly so she could sit up straight, once again glancing at the other in front of her with a half smiile.

Demyx still had no idea what was really going on, his brain frantically trying to work through all the possibilities. He knew that the two of them were there for a reason, both having mental troubles it seemed. While his didn’t seem as bad as hers, he knew that he could go into his own fits of mental breaks. But seeing one for himself of such intensity in such a short period of time had thrown him, scared him to no end. He wanted to be able to help her, but it seemed the only thing he could do was hold her close to him, and try and protect her like he had promised. ‘But how,’ he thought ‘can I protect her from herself?’

Feeling her arms go around him made him relax a little, glad to see that she was actually responding in some way. He let his lips linger upon hers, hoping that she could feel the emotion he was trying to pour into it until she broke away from him. He had tried, now he just hoped that he had succeeded at least to some degree. He had taken a chance, breaching her space like that, but it seemed to calm her before, and he had just prayed that it would have the same affect. Despite knowing her for only a few hours, he felt like he owed her that much, for showing him around and playing the piano with him, and of course for reciprocating the feelings he had been so thrown about.

Seeing the soft smile on her lips made him mirror the action, grateful to see that she was back to normal, or at least seemingly so. At her apology he merely shook his head, dismissing such a thing. She had nothing to be sorry for. He had already figured out that this was related to her reasons for being here, but if she wanted to explain, he wouldn’t stop her. At least that way he would know exactly what it was he was dealing with, and maybe then he could look things up, figure out how he could help her.

But then again, just because he wanted to didn’t mean his mind would let him. But he would try his best, because he had no reason not to. He wanted to be able to be reliable for once, for the girl who seemed to be trying so hard, it was the least he could do.

As she fell against him, he held her a little tighter. “Do you want to go to bed then? I don’t want to keep you up if you’re so tired.” He couldn’t blame her for being tired either. Had he gone through the same thing she just did, he’d probably be face down against his bed at the moment. “I could walk to you to your room or something, I mean, it is just next door.” He let out an airy laugh, hoping to ease any tension that was lingering from her attack.

cloaked—retribution: He was encouraged and reassured by the other’s smile; it wasn’t too...

Tue, 06 Mar 2012 11:04:00 -0500

cloaked—retribution:

He was encouraged and reassured by the other’s smile; it wasn’t too bright or sarcastic by any means, it was actually a nice smile, one that Zexion could trust. The blonde seemed genuine and the other teen decided to try a bit harder. It was clear that his uneasiness was showing, something that didn’t usually help the conversations the slate-haired one managed to have.

Demyx was the most easygoing person Zexion had met so far. Of course this was just the first impression he got and he couldn’t be sure if the blonde was actually like that. But he was clearly different from the cheery brunette he had talked - Sora was his name and certainly different from Marluxia and Joshua. Which was more than good, Zexion didn’t know how he could’ve handled more people like those two.

As he listened to the other’s explanation, Zexion tried to form an idea of ‘Extreme Procrastination’, but Demyx’s words were a bit… vague. Slowly he nodded. “I see. It must be quite hard for you sometimes”, he didn’t pity or feel sympathetic towards the other; it was simply an observation. He himself was quite hard working, bordering workaholic sometimes, and he couldn’t imagine being simply unable to do his work for no apparent reason.

“You are not wrong”, Zexion said and nodded again. “To someone suffering from SPD, it is hard to socialize and they do not want or enjoy close relationships, even with family members”, he explained, his voice growing more quiet and distant. He didn’t like to talk about his disorder and he never, under any circumstances, referred to himself when talking about it. “Mind you, it isn’t the same as schizophrenia”, he added, because he hated it when people though he was delusional and suffered from hallucinations or symptoms like that. He was simply not interested in social relationships, emotions or any kind of intimacy with other people. Though he was getting better at it as time went by. He was aware of the fact that SPD was a lifelong thing, but he still believed he was ‘getting out of his shell’ a bit, whatever that meant.

Demyx didn’t mind the uneasiness coming from the other, he couldn’t really blame him for it. Demyx himself was a little nervous for the encounter. He wasn’t good with people - or well, he could be as long as he had nothing there to distract him. But his eyes were almost begging to wander at the moment, break away from the conversation. But he couldn’t let himself do that. He needed to work on keeping his attention, no matter how much his brain strained him to do otherwise.

He himself hadn’t met too many people yet, and he was grateful for that as well. It was a double edged sword of sorts. If he didn’t know someone, he probably would approach them unless they looked interesting, and if he was with soemone else at the time his one track mind could forget about them (no matter how hard he tried to stay focused). The same could pretty much be said if he did know someone. He could run over to them, completely nejecting whoever he might be with. That might be the root of his problem with friends or socializing. But that was part of the reason why he was here: To get himself fixed somehow.

“Eh, I wouldn’t say hard.” Demyx shrugged a bit. “It’s more confusing more than anything, having my mind go on random tangents and turning and twisting around until I have no idea what’s happening anymore.” He had no idea what he was saying at this point, trying to remember exactly what it was the “doctor” had told him when he was diagnosed. The whole thing was such a pain. He wished for a moment, that he could be normal. He wanted to go home, not be in some strange place with a bunch of other people that probably had it worse than he did.

“If it was the same as schizophrenia, it would be called schizophrenia, but it’s not so of course it isn’t.” Demyx muttered when he heard the boy compare the two. He knew full well that each diagnosis was different and contained different symtoms. Zexion didn’t seem to be like a schizophenic to him, then again, he hadn’t really met someone with that condition before. Though, the way Zexion spoke made Demyx almost perfectly aware that a friendship with him was highly unlikely, but he figured it couldn’t hurt to at least try. If anything they could chat on occasion. Maybe after they’d been here for a while and Demyx’s focus was better and Zexion was feeling a bit more…. Social, they could form some sort of friendship. “I guess you have it hard yourself, huh?” He couldn’t help being slightly curious though; was Zexion here because he wanted to be, because he wanted to be better? Or was he forced to come here like Demyx himself had been. However, he wouldn’t let himself ask this. that was something that was none of his concern and he’d feel like he was intruding if he asked such a thing.

(( I haven’t been on here in like… Forever. I’m sorry about that! I’ll get...

Tue, 06 Mar 2012 10:36:02 -0500

(( I haven’t been on here in like… Forever. I’m sorry about that! I’ll get to replies, promise! ))

Tue, 21 Feb 2012 11:37:40 -0500

Tue, 21 Feb 2012 10:07:28 -0500

demyxstar started following you

Thu, 16 Feb 2012 14:34:29 -0500

dear-dear-joshua:

demyxstar:

“Huh…” He looked around again, amazed by the amount of food. There were so many choices, how was he supposed to pick just one? God damn. He hated his indecisiveness. It got in the way at times like these. Closing his eyes, he rose up his hand, and pointed in the direction of the ramen stand. He opened his eyes and smiled a bit. “How about over there?” He asked. Without waiting for an answer, he started walking over, pulling Joshua along with him. He’d had ramen once or twice before, and he had enjoyed it, so it would be good to try somewhere else, right?

“I’m rather impressed,” He muttered. He hand’t expected this place to have such a variety but he wasn’t about to complain about it. He had time to try most of them, he was sure. Things could get interesting… Especially if he mixed things together… He smiled to himself, making the plan in his mind.

Joshua was nearly beaming when he had decided on the ramen stand. He didn’t even mind the fact that he was being half dragged through the dining hall. Joshua shuffled slightly along with Demyx, glad that the others indecisiveness had lead to a favorable outcome.

Joshua’s body had already started to warm up just at the thought of the delicious ramen he was planning on having. He smirked slightly when Demyx mentioned the variety that the dining hall had to offer. “I think they have such a colorful pallet to make the students feel more at home here.” Joshua said. “This ramen definitely reminds me of home.” He said, his tone growing a bit softer. Joshua was suddenly hit with a pang of homesickness. He missed his parents, his house, his pet cat, he even missed his old school with graffiti all over the walls. Despite it’s minor flaws Shibuya was much more beautiful than this quiet little escape for the mentally insane.

Glancing down at the shorter male, Demyx realized he had made the correct choice - even if it was just a blind choosing. He took a deep breath and inhaled the scents of the room. He came to the conclusion that the ramen stand had the best aruoma so he was glad to have picked it.

He gave a small nod. The idea of this place having so many cuisines for that reason seemed logical. Though, he couldn’t help wondering that if they were reminded of home, would that cause them to miss it more? He looked down at Joshua, but could tell by the look on his face that he was thinking of something, and Demyx didnt want to be the cause of his thoughts being thrown off. But his curiosity sudden became too much for him to handle and before he knew it the words were passing through his mouth. “What’s Japan like?” He mentally hit himself as soon as he realized the words had left him, and he hoped that Joshua wouldn’t mind him asking.

nothingbut-white: demyxstar: Hearing her giggle, he thought it...

Wed, 15 Feb 2012 11:47:43 -0500

nothingbut-white:

demyxstar:

Hearing her giggle, he thought it would be okay to start playing. He had never taught someone else so he didn’t know how well this would go. But she had an interest in learning and Demyx wanted to see if he’d be able to at least try to show her the simple things. It was nice, getting to be this close to the person who showed interest in him, while holding his little treasure. His thoughts from earlier evaporated and he just thought about what he was going to play for her, and which cord he was going to actually teach her. He enjoyed the intimacy of this arrangement, guiding her fingers and keeping her almost safe. It made him proud of himself, thinking he was able to make Namine happy by doing such a simple gesture. He hoped that if things went well, he could teach her more, or they could go back to the music room some time and she could teach him more piano. That would be fun, getting to spend time with her, and to create music. One of the few things he would never dream of procrastinating.

From this closeness, he could very easily feel the fear that was seeping into the small girl’s body. It scared him, for he didn’t know what had set her off. She seemed to be doing fine only moments ago, and yet now she was completely shutting down. As her hands ripped away from his, he wanted to grab them again but before he could, they were digging into her own eyes. “Namine?!” He couldn’t keep the fright out of his own voice. He didn’t know what was happening, and he most certainly didn’t know what to do. Forgetting about his sitar, he let it go, and it slid from his lap, falling and hitting his foot, before bouncing off and skidding to the side. He let out a small whine at the sound it made when it landed, but he couldn’t find the heart to care right now. Namine was balling up right in front of him and he had no idea what to do. It wasn’t like he had some sort of panic button he could press and get someone to come help him. But he had helped her out of this earlier, didn’t he? At least he thought he had in some way. He could do it again now. He had to try. Seeing her like this, it almost felt like it was causing him pain in turn. He saw the tears, and he tried to get her to get her hands away from her eyes. “Namine, Namine,” He whispered, not having any idea what to say to get her out of this.

When he realized he’d have no luck with getting her to remove her hands, he just wrapped his arms back around her to try and calm her shaking body. “It’s all right Namine…” He whispered into her ear. He honestly had no idea if it really was okay, because he didn’t know what was going through her head, but he had to remind her of that at least, didn’t he? “Namine, it’s not happening, you’re safe. Nothing can get you.” ‘Except herself.’ the small voice in the back of his mind whispered but he shook it off. “Namine,” he had no idea what he was saying at this point, he just wanted to keep her calm. “I’m right her Namine. I’m not going anywhere.” He could almost feel her wanting to get away from him, but he just held on tighter, determined to see this through. He needed to make sure she made through this. He needed to. He didn’t know why, but he did.

He started to rub her back just as he had done earlier, hoping to draw her out of this spell. He kept whispering things into her ear, almost desperately trying to bring her back. He knew how harmful self destruction could be, even if he didn’t know to what extent Namine was doing it. He held, almost clinging to the body in his lap, trying to offer her some form of protection as he had before. There was nothing more he could do except will himself to stay focused on this. Every tremble pulled him back, every time she wouldn’t say something back to him he’d just ramble on more, and he’d continue to rub her back, the whole thing recycling over and over in his mind reminding him he had to do this. He needed to do this. He didn’t want to lose her after making friends with her so easily. “Come on Namine, I’m right here.. You can get out of this… Please…”

After what felt like hours of pure torture, was really only minutes of remebering and almost re-living her past experiences in her own mind, from the distance she could still hear Demyx whispering encouragingly in her ear, she even felt his arms securely around her, protecting the small blonde from the things in the outside. Why was he still near her? If he just set her down in a closet, or even under a sheet, she would eventually untense, being so drained physically and mentally that she would just fall asleep. But it was the softness of his words and the suppleness of his touch that was able to push Namine just a little bit, to repeat his words over in her head. ‘It’s not happening.. It’s not happening.. I’m safe.’ She chanted to herself, feeling her body relax slightly so she was able to pull her hands away from her eyes, the blonde turned slowly in the others lap so she was able to bury her face into his shirt, her hands clenching around the fabric. She was still so scared, but she had the courage to let him know he was helping.

Though the darkness wasn’t helping her at all, the blonde let her face move backwards as she looked up at the other, her large blue eyes full of tears and her pupils dialated due to her sheer terror. Her breathing was short, her body trying to multitask crying and breathing at the same time, and came as soft but quick pants with the ocassional sob because she was crying so hard. “D-Demyx..” She cried out pitifully, seeking more comfort, willing to be pulled out from the blanket of fear that had coated her mind.

Namine knew how selfish it was to rely on Demyx to help her out of something as complex as this, especially if he didn’t have a clue as to what was going on. In the small part of Namine’s ‘right’ mind, she reminded herself that she was going to explain to Demyx exactly why she was having these mental breakdowns and express how sorry she was that they were happening while around him. She knew she heard something fall before she had suddenly broke away from his hands, and realized it was his Sitar. Namine knew how much that would’ve effected him and felt her heart beat faster when realizing he was letting it stay there to comfort her.

Her blue eyes stared up into his as the tears got a little bit smaller and less frequent. She felt her mind easing up a little and her body relaxing even more, but when she got totally relaxed, she was going to feel extremely drained and tired, and Namine didn’t want to leave yet, she had barely spent any time playing his instrument with him.

He just kept the words coming, having no idea how else or what else he could do to comfort her and pull her out of this. He could feel her fear, and it frightened him. He had never seen someone so terrified in his entire life, and he had no clue how to go about it. But just seeing Namine like this made his heartache, something he hadn’t experienced before so it just caused him to become more afraid. “It’s okay Namine… It’s okay…” He whispered as she buried her head into his chest. “I have you, you’re safe… I won’t let anything hurt you.” he promised quietly. One of his hands went up and placed itself on the back of her head, trying to give her more security. He had been unsure if she wanted to be close to him while she was like this, but seeing her cling onto him, that straightened out any doubts he had and he just held her closer (if that was even possible) not knowing what else he could do.

Feeling her trying to pull back, he eased up on his hold of the back of her head and gently ran his thumb through her hair. He could feel his heart snapping in two by the expression on her face. She looked so small… Horrified… It made him afraid, thinking of what could possibly going through the poor girl’s mind to make her react like this. “Namine…” Having no idea what else to do, he leaned down and pressed his lips to her again, having no other way of getting close to her.

A voice in the back of his mind was screaming at him to go pick up his sitar and forget about the fragile girl he was holding so preciously. But he couldn’t do that. No. The thoughts just made him hold her tighter, determination to get her back to normal setting in, no matter how much his mind was screaming at him.

Arpeggio was just an instrument, an inanimate object that could be mended if broken. Humans, Demyx knew, weren’t always as lucky. He wasn’t going to risk letting Namine snap no. He wouldn’t let her, if he could avoid it.

((ooc: Won't really be on today or Saturday. Just letting you guys know))

Fri, 10 Feb 2012 08:31:59 -0500

demyxstar started following you

Wed, 08 Feb 2012 11:04:22 -0500

joshua-dearest:

demyxstar:

Following his gaze, he looked back behind him and let out a small laugh. “We need one of those ‘Slippery When Wet’ signs or something so no one slips and busts open their head or something.” He teased, not actually wanting to image it. He gave a small shudder and decided if it wasn’t cleaned up by the time they finished their food he’d clean it up himself. Maybe.

He looked around the room, giving a small laugh as he was tugged in and positioned back close to the other boy. He was aware he was just a heat source, and Demyx was using him right back. He looked around at the room again, biting his lip. “Well, what is there?” He felt kind of stupid for having to ask that. But he wanted just to be told. If he had to look himself he’d get distracted by something and put off eating. He was having a hard enough time keeping his arm around Joshua as it was already. “This is my first time in here…” Same old excuse, but it worked.

Joshua looked around. The dining hall had many little places where you could purchase different types of specialty foods from. There was one that made only italian foods, one just for french cuisine, and Joshua’s personal favorite: a place that made only ramen. Joshua was hoping from the bottom of his heart that Demyx would pick the ramen place, but knowing that he didn’t come from the same roots he did, it was probably very unlikely.

“Well it depends on what you want.” Joshua said, a small smile returning to his face, despite the cold. “They have a little bit of everything here.” He motioned around them, keeping one hand around Demyx’s jacket. “American, Italian, Thai, Chinese, French, just about anything you could want; they have it.” Joshua said.

“Huh…” He looked around again, amazed by the amount of food. There were so many choices, how was he supposed to pick just one? God damn. He hated his indecisiveness. It got in the way at times like these. Closing his eyes, he rose up his hand, and pointed in the direction of the ramen stand. He opened his eyes and smiled a bit. “How about over there?” He asked. Without waiting for an answer, he started walking over, pulling Joshua along with him. He’d had ramen once or twice before, and he had enjoyed it, so it would be good to try somewhere else, right?

“I’m rather impressed,” He muttered. He hand’t expected this place to have such a variety but he wasn’t about to complain about it. He had time to try most of them, he was sure. Things could get interesting… Especially if he mixed things together… He smiled to himself, making the plan in his mind.

demyxstar started following you

Tue, 07 Feb 2012 14:17:49 -0500

joshua-dearest:

demyxstar:

He could feel the other’s shaking and it made him uneasy. Perhaps they should go change their clothes before getting something toe at? He didn’t really want to wrisk it but he had a hard enough time convincing Joshua to come inside. He didn’t want to push his luck. That, and his own hunger was starting to get to him and he just wanted to eat.

He let out a sigh of relief when they were inside; He found it a lot warmer than outside, but that might just be due to his sensitivity to cold. He continued to rub Joshua’s arm hoping that the friction would warm him up and he walked in the direction that he’d pointed. He made sure to glance around to make sure he’d be able to find things that would help him find his way back here again. He smiled a bit when the cafeteria came into view and he went and held the door open for Joshua to go in, hoping that it might be warmer in that room.

Joshua turned his head for a moment as Demyx opened the door for him. He looked behind him to notice the trail of water that he had left, he was still soaking wet. “I hope no one trips on that.” Joshua said quietly. “It would be terribly dangerous if the didn’t clean it up.” He stated more to himself than to Demyx as he walked past him into the slightly warmer cafeteria.

Joshua let out a tiny sigh as he started to warm up. He was still somewhat freezing and still soaked to the bone, but the nice warm air in the cafeteria seemed to help a bit. Joshua tugged Demyx inside the cafeteria and regained more of the heat he had lost from the loss of contact. Joshua didn’t necessarily care that the two were so close. He was just using him for his warmth. Tugging the coat Demyx had given him tighter around his body he walked towards the center of the dining hall. Joshua turned to Demyx with a questioning look, “What do you want to eat?” Joshua decided that if Demyx had to go through all the trouble of dragging him through the school like a wet towel then Joshua would let him decide what they would be dining on.

Following his gaze, he looked back behind him and let out a small laugh. “We need one of those ‘Slippery When Wet’ signs or something so no one slips and busts open their head or something.” He teased, not actually wanting to image it. He gave a small shudder and decided if it wasn’t cleaned up by the time they finished their food he’d clean it up himself. Maybe.

He looked around the room, giving a small laugh as he was tugged in and positioned back close to the other boy. He was aware he was just a heat source, and Demyx was using him right back. He looked around at the room again, biting his lip. “Well, what is there?” He felt kind of stupid for having to ask that. But he wanted just to be told. If he had to look himself he’d get distracted by something and put off eating. He was having a hard enough time keeping his arm around Joshua as it was already. “This is my first time in here…” Same old excuse, but it worked.

nothingbut-white: demyxstar: He ran his hand down the shaft of...

Tue, 07 Feb 2012 11:13:34 -0500

nothingbut-white:

demyxstar:

He ran his hand down the shaft of the instrument, a soft smile on his face. If he was to say what his prized possession was, this would be it. He had had this sitar since he was about 15 years old, so he had had it for a while. It was one of the things that he knew he could not procrastinate with. If he did, it would possibly break or destroy her. He didn’t want that. He’d hate himself even more than he already did if that happened.

He caught her looking around, and he followed her gaze to clock. He almost laughed when he saw how late it was. Last time he had checked it was about 4. Had they really spent that much time together? It had felt like much less, not that he was complaining. They had probably lost a lot of time with their little episodes, and the time they had been playing the piano. He knew that she probably won’t want to stay here much later - that and he wasn’t sure if there was a cerfew or something here and he didn’t want to get in trouble on his first day. He saw her blinking at him now and he just gave her an encouraging smile.

He couldn’t help smiling again as Namine sat on his lap. He shifted a bit to get himself comfortable and so she wasn’t putting too much weight on somewhere that would end up hurting him. He let out a sigh of contentment and put an arm around ehr for a moment and just let himself hold her close with one arm while his other continued to hold the sitar.

As she guided his arms, he let go of the instrument and let it lean against the bed, and he held her, letting it go around her. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the sirenity of the situation and just listened to her soft breathing. It was nice, just holding someone, wanting to hold someone and being able to without getting distracted. He let out a small laugh at her apology, not thinking she had any reason to be sorry. He didn’t want to let go of her just yet, but he knew if he did they’d probably spend more hours together and lose track of it. As much as he would want that, now probably wasn’t the time.

“It’s fine,” he whispered, not needing to speak any louder with this close proximity. He grabbed his sitar again and turned it before proping it up onto his and her lap. “You hold her like this,” He put one of his hands on the shaft and the other around her base, holding it like one would hold a guitar. “Then you just have to strum the strings…” His voice trailed off as his fingers started to pluck the strings, creating quiet sounds. He looked down at her with a smile. “Put your hands on top of mine, I’ll teach you a cord.”

It was interesting enough for Namine to realize how good she felt when she was near Demyx, it was almost ironic to the blonde that sat soundlessly in the others lap, pondering over her own thoughts with the few extra seconds she had. Until she giggled softly and put her fingers on top of his after hearing the soft sounds that had radiated off the instrument. Was it honestly okay for her to be like this? Happy, even if it was only a little bit, she didn’t know. All this time, Namine thought that she wouldn’t even be able to get close to someone like she was right now, she would push everyone away while she thinking to herself that it was okay to be alone, she was better off that way anyways. It was the constant reoccuring suspicion that if she allowed someone to break through the protective defense she put up, they would only leave her shortly after. Maybe it wasn’t actually suspicion, it was fear. Fear of being left alone by choice, it was always someone’s choice, unless of course.. she didn’t let anyone close.

Yet, even as she agreed with herself, she couldn’t think about pushing him away. Even the thought of distancing herself from him after this time, made her stomach clench and her body tighten and tense. But, she wouldn’t do it, no matter how much her mind told her that in the end, he would probably just figure out that she wasn’t worth his time and leave her like everyone else had after she had changed. It wasn’t her fault she was like this.. right? It was that incident that changed her life negatively. It was all their fault. But as soon as the emotion of rage and resentment had settled in her brain, it was replaced with fear, it was like those emotions had unlocked all the memories she had tried so hard to supress. Quickly enough, Namine’s fingers flinched away from being atop of Demyx’s and dug into her eyes, so tightly pressed against them she saw lights in her black vision. Her knees came up to her chest as she sat in a ball on Demyx’s lap, aware she wouldn’t be able to get out of his arms without hurting him or maybe even breaking his Sitar. Images flooded her mind, and she fought them as much as she could. the emotion of terror was so strong by now that it her mind was almost under the influence that she was actually feeling pain. Tears flooded her eyes, unable to do anything but watch as the images struck her defense, one by one.

It had been so long since this had happened- something someone could call an attack. Much time ago, it would just happen out of the blue, because the events were so reccent, they haunted her whenever they wanted, because her defense wasn’t strong enough, she hadn’t built something powerful enough to lock everything she feared away. Her body was rigid with terror, and she didn’t even realize she was shaking. The blonde felt as if she was sucked into another world, back to when she was just little, she felt the exact same as back then. But recently, she had been getting much better. They would only happen during certain times, only when her guard was down, or most certainly a time where she was feeling happy. That was the best time to strike, when she wasn’t expecting it.

Though her body shook with distress over the newly found unease, Namine found that she had almost lost all control of her body, and her ears were ringing. This is exactly what happened during the night, even when she was still half-asleep sometimes. But it was worse when she was asleep, because her mind was blank, and it was easier for the fear to seep in and take control. Most of the time, when her ears rung and her body froze, she heard and saw things. She most oftenly thought it was people coming to get her again, but her body would be so ridgid that she wouldn’t be able to move. Namine got so scared sometimes that she would loose conscious. Reccently though, she had been able to get up and hide before her body was overcome and she wouldn’t be able to move. The petite blonde was thankful that her room had come with a closet that was small, but not so small that she couldn’t hide at the bottom of it if she was that frightened.

Namine knew she had definitely ruined it again, their closeness and the moment that they were sharing, and she almost hated herself for it. Maybe after this Demyx would realize truly how weird she was, and he would leave. At least he wouldn’t have to be burdened by the heavy weight she carried on her shoulders. Right..?

Hearing her giggle, he thought it would be okay to start playing. He had never taught someone else so he didn’t know how well this would go. But she had an interest in learning and Demyx wanted to see if he’d be able to at least try to show her the simple things. It was nice, getting to be this close to the person who showed interest in him, while holding his little treasure. His thoughts from earlier evaporated and he just thought about what he was going to play for her, and which cord he was going to actually teach her. He enjoyed the intimacy of this arrangement, guiding her fingers and keeping her almost safe. It made him proud of himself, thinking he was able to make Namine happy by doing such a simple gesture. He hoped that if things went well, he could teach her more, or they could go back to the music room some time and she could teach him more piano. That would be fun, getting to spend time with her, and to create music. One of the few things he would never dream of procrastinating.

From this closeness, he could very easily feel the fear that was seeping into the small girl’s body. It scared him, for he didn’t know what had set her off. She seemed to be doing fine only moments ago, and yet now she was completely shutting down. As her hands ripped away from his, he wanted to grab them again but before he could, they were digging into her own eyes. “Namine?!” He couldn’t keep the fright out of his own voice. He didn’t know what was happening, and he most certainly didn’t know what to do. Forgetting about his sitar, he let it go, and it slid from his lap, falling and hitting his foot, before bouncing off and skidding to the side. He let out a small whine at the sound it made when it landed, but he couldn’t find the heart to care right now. Namine was balling up right in front of him and he had no idea what to do. It wasn’t like he had some sort of panic button he could press and get someone to come help him. But he had helped her out of this earlier, didn’t he? At least he thought he had in some way. He could do it again now. He had to try. Seeing her like this, it almost felt like it was causing him pain in turn. He saw the tears, and he tried to get her to get her hands away from her eyes. “Namine, Namine,” He whispered, not having any idea what to say to get her out of this.

When he realized he’d have no luck with getting her to remove her hands, he just wrapped his arms back around her to try and calm her shaking body. “It’s all right Namine…” He whispered into her ear. He honestly had no idea if it really was okay, because he didn’t know what was going through her head, but he had to remind her of that at least, didn’t he? “Namine, it’s not happening, you’re safe. Nothing can get you.” ‘Except herself.’ the small voice in the back of his mind whispered but he shook it off. “Namine,” he had no idea what he was saying at this point, he just wanted to keep her calm. “I’m right her Namine. I’m not going anywhere.” He could almost feel her wanting to get away from him, but he just held on tighter, determined to see this through. He needed to make sure she made through this. He needed to. He didn’t know why, but he did.

He started to rub her back just as he had done earlier, hoping to draw her out of this spell. He kept whispering things into her ear, almost desperately trying to bring her back. He knew how harmful self destruction could be, even if he didn’t know to what extent Namine was doing it. He held, almost clinging to the body in his lap, trying to offer her some form of protection as he had before. There was nothing more he could do except will himself to stay focused on this. Every tremble pulled him back, every time she wouldn’t say something back to him he’d just ramble on more, and he’d continue to rub her back, the whole thing recycling over and over in his mind reminding him he had to do this. He needed to do this. He didn’t want to lose her after making friends with her so easily. “Come on Namine, I’m right here.. You can get out of this… Please…”

demyxstar started following you

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 15:30:14 -0500

joshua-dearest:

demyxstar:

He smiled when Joshua finally agreed to go inside. “We can finish the tour once we eat and get something warmer on, ‘kay?” He said with a smile and a small wink hoping to distract his new friend from the coldness he knew he was feeling. He shivered a bit, missing his coat. But, he just held his arm around Joshua a little tighter and pulled him closer to his body to try and get a bit more warmth from him.

Leading the way, he glanced around to try and find his way to the cafeteria. But he honestly had no idea. Walking carefully as to not walk into the other boy, he opened the door to the school and led them inside, looking both ways. “So uh, which way is it to the caf’ again?” He looked over at his friend with an apologetic smile. “Sorry, I’m not very good with direction.”

Joshua nodded and pressed into Demyx, his teeth weren’t chattering as bad as before but he was still shivering rather violently. Joshua didn’t seem to notice this though, he was to focused on that damn garden he was dead-set on taking Demyx to. But the thought of food was so overpowering that Joshua couldn’t help but give in. He would just have to wait until they were done eating.

The air inside the school was only a tad bit warmer than the air outside. Joshua felt like he was going to turn into an ice cube or something. He blinked for a moment when his brain finally processed the other’s question. He nodded his head to the left, feeling a bit to cold to form sentences at this point. Joshua kept his eyes trained on the ground as the two continued to walk.

He could feel the other’s shaking and it made him uneasy. Perhaps they should go change their clothes before getting something toe at? He didn’t really want to wrisk it but he had a hard enough time convincing Joshua to come inside. He didn’t want to push his luck. That, and his own hunger was starting to get to him and he just wanted to eat.

He let out a sigh of relief when they were inside; He found it a lot warmer than outside, but that might just be due to his sensitivity to cold. He continued to rub Joshua’s arm hoping that the friction would warm him up and he walked in the direction that he’d pointed. He made sure to glance around to make sure he’d be able to find things that would help him find his way back here again. He smiled a bit when the cafeteria came into view and he went and held the door open for Joshua to go in, hoping that it might be warmer in that room.